Pumpkin Patching (Adults Only)

I love pumpkin patching.  I look forward to it every single year.  But the thing is, I'm not big on kids (I know, I know, I'm a terrible person and all that).  I just can't help it -- jam hands make my blood pressure rise and baby talk confuses me.  So finding a pumpkin patch in L.A. with minimal kid-exposure was a priority and, as expected, a struggle.  And I failed.

Upon arriving at Tanaka Farms in Irvine, we were immediately ushered into a parking lot swarming with minivans and strollers.  There were diaper bags and kid leashes.  Everyone's name was "Mommy."  Things were getting real.

We could have just turned around and admitted our defeat.  But on behalf of all young, childless married people who want to enjoy some harvest fun sans strollers and jam-hands, we stood our ground.  We were going to pumpkin patch and we were going to like it.  But how?  Well, what do you do when life gets a little too G-rated?  Spike it, of course.


A Guide to Pumpkin Patching for the Childless

1. If you've already parked your car when you realize you're the only ones in the parking lot not wrestling with a car seat or a stroller, get back in the car.

2. Drive to the nearest liquor store and purchase a seasonal spirit (we chose hard cider).

3. Go to Starbucks and get some Venti-sized cups.  Fill with previously purchased spirits and cover with lid.

4.  Return to pumpkin patch, cups in hand.  No one will suspect a thing.

{that coffee has legs!}

5. Survey your surroundings as you get going on your "coffee."

6. Engage in horseplay.

 

7. Drain those cups and get serious about your portraiture.

8. When your happy harvest-alcohol haze starts wearing off, hurry up and pick a pumpkin and get outta there before you're back to square one.

Guaranteed fun.